How are you doing?

I decided that a post like this one will be good for me to look back on later in life. Everyone keeps asking me how I am doing and how I feel about this whole 'husband going to Afghanistan' business. I pretty much always give the generic, "I'm fine. Not much I can do about it." sort of answers. So, now is when I will express a little more of what I'm feeling.

I better start with what Justin does...He is a medivac pilot. He flies the black hawks that go pick up any injured people. As he says, he's an ambulance driver. I have never been too worried about him while he is flying. There has probably been a couple of times, when he was supposed to call when he landed, and I got the call a few hours later than expected, that I got a little worried (but there was even more thoughts of a car accident than a helicopter crash.) I'm not one of those people who worry about every little thing. I feel like you don't have total control, so why make life harder by worrying about every little thing.

There are obvious dangers in what Justin does and what he is about to do in Afghan., and of course I have a little anxiety about those, but the real challenge I foresee is the absence of my husband and my daughters' father. Justin is a great dad and sometimes I feel like the girls would be better off if it was me leaving for a year and not him. (My girls would get out of control if that were the case though.) I am the disciplinarian, Justin is the fun parent. I am very impatient; I look forward to the end of the day when Justin is home and can deal with the whining for a little while. Now, I won't get that daily relief.

Sometimes I am angry; I get mad at Justin. Doesn't he know that this is all his fault? He chose to join the Guard, he chose to stay in and become an officer and then go to flight school. Then I get over that pretty quickly. He has been working really hard and has provided us with a comfortable life. I appreciate that about him. SO Much. I like to think that this will be harder on me than him, that he always wanted to fly, and now he gets to do a lot of it while I have to change every diaper, give every bath, clean every mess, listen to every cry, break up every fight, the list goes on and on. Then I tell myself that I also get every hug, every smile, every thank you, every expression of excitement, and all the other good stuff. All the bad is worth it when you get the good too. (most days;)

I am still pretty numb; I know that when he leaves the house the morning of his departure it's going to hit me like a ton of bricks.

When I get emotional and feel like crying, I swallow hard and hold it back. It won't change anything and I don't want to be weak; tons of wives do this all the time. If they can do it, so can I. I have been called spoiled by a few people and believe me, if I could get my way on this, Justin wouldn't be going anywhere. Too bad the Government doesn't respond to my "tantrums" the way Justin does.

I could go on, but there will be other days for me to vent my frustrations and my achievements. Everyday that I put 3 healthy girls to bed will be an achievement.
That is how we will get through this...one day at a time.

This is a video of Justin flying at flight school. I've never seen so many helicopters in one place before. It really was amazing to watch them all coming and going. (You can't see even half of them in this video.) The filming is pretty bumpy, but that's what you get with a baby in your arms.